Why are there so many idiots in the world?

Ok kinda off topic but have to rant. I waited until dear stepson was picked up by his mom to go treat myself and get a haircut. I want to appear professional and well groomed for my interview on Monday. Anything that can help, right? So I pull into my parking spot at the hair salon. As I was walking to their front door this man in his 50's or 60's started running towards the same place of business. I figured what a nice gentleman, he was rushing to get the door for me right? Nope! He was a selfish nasty little man trying to beat me out to get his hair cut before me, hell he didnt even hold the door for me, he weasled his way through the door ahead of me! I mumbled "figures".. God I was fuming mad. When they called him back for his cut he proceeded to show his asshole self by complaining about hair being on the chair. When the poor gal asked how much he wanted cut off he stated he didnt carry measuring tools with him for her to figure it out. He was a total ASS! He was dressed in khaki shorts, bergenstock shoes, maybe 5'5, whimpy/skinny and balding gray/black hair and looked like a tree loving hippy. As I sat waiting for my turn to get my hair cut I started wondering what lesson there was to learn from all of this. One of my best friends had said that now when someone cuts her off in traffic, instead of getting upset she tells herself that they are an angel and for some reason had to get ahead of her to protect her. I wondered what possibly was there to be applied to this situation. Ah hah, that's it, the chair would malfunction and dump him on his ass! I wish! Nothing out of the ordinary happened. However, when he mentioned his wife, I sooo wanted to say "you have got to be kidding me, someone actually married you?" I know, I should not have let this little dweeb of an excuse of a man get to me so much, but seriously, he went out of his way to be rude! After he left I asked the girls at the shop if they have heard of the song "I pray for you". They hadn't so I enlightened them to a few verses and then laughed and said yep, Im praying for him. A little humor always turns the mood around and now, mr. rude man, Im praying for you!

Why should I get my hopes up?

OK so today I get a call for a different position at a company I had applied for several weeks if not months ago. At first I was flattered, excited and elated that they found me through all of the resumes they received and that they wanted me to come in and spend their precious time for an interview. That excitement slowly diminished as the conversation continued. When she told me who she was with (a prominent orthopedic surgical center) I said awesome, I get to use some of my schooling. She said well don't get too excited, its just for a receptionist/front desk position. Is that OK with you? I said of course! She then asked when would be a good time to go in. I said let me look at my calender. First I said I was open Friday but she hemmed and hawed so I said well next Monday would probably work out better as I think something was going on Friday, if that works for you. She seemed irritated but set it up for Monday afternoon. Of course I was kicking myself later as the interview is at the same time I need to take the kid to his Dr. app on the other side of town. No worries, I will just drop him off 30 min early as its a group play activity. I just don't know anymore if it is worth getting my hopes up. I have struck out for over a year now. Each interview I go to seems to feel more and more stressful. I feel like I have been put on exhibit but nobody bothered to tell me. Does that make sense? I know its my insecurity. I am a wonderful person who can do an over and above job. I have great work ethics and I know I will be a great find for someone. I just cant help but feeling insecure as I am not 5'8" and I do not wear a size 8. I am not 20 something, nor do I want to be perceived as such. I am in my mid 40-s but mistaken for 30's. I am overweight (gasp). But I have a great personality. Too bad everyone is looking for "barbie" and they want to pay her in Starbucks cash. I know as each day gets closer to the interview my stomach will get tighter and tighter in knots. I wish I could say hey, I know I'm fat but I have lost over 30 lbs. Don't even get me started on the other issues out there. I will almost bet my little dog (as I am beyond broke) that the starting pay will be something obscene and they will laugh when I say I cannot work for less than unemployment. But being realistic here, I have a mortgage, a kid to feed and bills to pay. I am not asking for an obscene amount. $14.50/hr is NOT a lot! I used to make over 5/hr more! So should I get my hopes up? I think not! Time to send out some more applications (sighs). Will it ever end?

Past still haunting me...

I sit here pondering a lot about my past. I know you need to look forward never back but I cant help it. I wonder why I ever dedicated so many years to my former employer. What really did it get me? At the time of employment it brought me stability and peace of mind as a provider for my family. I also enjoyed my job and every aspect of it. But... sitting here now looking back, I cant help but feel totally screwed. I am finding road blocks where ever I go now trying to find a job. For starters my former employer refuses to give out references which can reflect as a negative to future employers. Nevermind that I was a good worker and did work for the same company for many years. My tenure should speak volumes one would think. If I was a bad employee, then why did they keep me this long? I realize the bottom line is money. I realize the day I was let go I was told that I made too much and that they were eliminating my position. I realize that I was one of at least 128 other employees that were cut loose. But the feelings are still here. It still hurts. I still take it personally as this has impacted my whole world tremendously not to mention those around me. For years I received praise from the HR guru about how great I was to be raising someone elses special needs child. She said I was the hardest person to see on the day they started layoffs. Well thanks to them, it has been harder now to get those resources needed for my child. Because of those actions they took, it is impossible now to get a lot of things to prevent us from losing what little we still have to hold onto. I do feel betrayed. How else would you feel after having the rug pulled out from under you? My husband says my victory will be soon when I get another job and can move on. I wish that day would hurry.

Terms of Use on job application - "unbelievable"

Terms of Use

I certify that statements made by me in this resume are true, complete and correct to the best of my knowledge and belief. I understand that any false statements, misrepresentations or omissions made by me during the application process shall be grounds for refusal to hire or if hired, termination.

I hereby authorize this company to investigate, through whatever means deemed appropriate by the college, any information included in this application and facts resulting from the investigation unless otherwise noted. This company is also authorized to use any information obtained from its investigations to determine my suitability for employment. I release this company from any liability in connection with the investigation.

I hereby authorize each former employer to open my personnel file to a representative of this company.

I hereby authorize any former employers or any other persons given as references (unless otherwise noted) to answer any questions that may be asked.

If employed, I agree to abide by the policies, procedures, rules and regulations of this company.

Unless otherwise specified in writing, I understand that nothing contained in this employment application or in the granting of an interview is intended to create an employment contract between this company and myself for either employment or for the providing of any benefit. I understand that if subsequent to this application, I am employed by this company that both this company and I have read and do understand this company's intent that any employment relationship established between this company and myself will be on a "at-will" basis.

I understand that submission of this resume does not obligate this company in any way.

Monday Meltdowns

Why do they have to send out employment letters on Monday's informing you that you did not make the grade. "We're sorry but this position has been filled" ... etc. I was let down to say the least when I got that letter from a position I had advanced so far in the hiring process. I felt this was the dream job of all jobs. I know not to put all my eggs in one basket and I kept reminding myself to be realistic and not to get my hopes up too much as there usually is a letdown. It is so hard to keep your spirits up in today's job market. With every rejection you feel like a chunk of hope you were carrying around just drops off. Some day's you wonder how you will ever face the day. Well today I received not one but 3 lovely "rejection" letters. To add salt to the wounds I went onto my usual job sites to look for more places to apply for to only feel more distressed. There were only 38 job listings in my search. Of those 38, once I weeded out the part time, contract or temp jobs, the required college degrees and the ones that pay so low it should be a crime ($7.50/hr - $9.00/hr), I only had 2 listings I was able to apply for. OK so that wasted about 2 hours of my time. I then proceeded to google various companies that I would be interested in seeking employment in. Another 2 hours gone and not a single posting that would be fit to apply for. Unfortunately I had to leave my post on here to get out in the real world and cart the kid to his Dr. apt as well as squeeze one in myself. Once I got home I was so exhausted and I honestly feel so beat down. I feel like getting a job, any job has the same odds as winning the lottery. I hope I can get up enough courage tomorrow to start the crazy cycle all over again.

On another note: My unemployment stopped last week so I spent a good 45 minutes on the phone with the Unemployment Office to find out that they will not issue checks until they get back an application for the final Emergency Extended Benefits. The lady was nice but informed me it will probably take another 2-3 weeks once they receive the paperwork back before I see any payments. She was mailing out another application since I did not receive one and was nice enough to put a fax # on the form to help speed up the process once I receive it. I'm so glad we have a little bit left in the bank from my battered 401K. Sad but If I don't get a job by the time my last extension runs out in September, I have no clue what we are going to do.