Past still haunting me...

I sit here pondering a lot about my past. I know you need to look forward never back but I cant help it. I wonder why I ever dedicated so many years to my former employer. What really did it get me? At the time of employment it brought me stability and peace of mind as a provider for my family. I also enjoyed my job and every aspect of it. But... sitting here now looking back, I cant help but feel totally screwed. I am finding road blocks where ever I go now trying to find a job. For starters my former employer refuses to give out references which can reflect as a negative to future employers. Nevermind that I was a good worker and did work for the same company for many years. My tenure should speak volumes one would think. If I was a bad employee, then why did they keep me this long? I realize the bottom line is money. I realize the day I was let go I was told that I made too much and that they were eliminating my position. I realize that I was one of at least 128 other employees that were cut loose. But the feelings are still here. It still hurts. I still take it personally as this has impacted my whole world tremendously not to mention those around me. For years I received praise from the HR guru about how great I was to be raising someone elses special needs child. She said I was the hardest person to see on the day they started layoffs. Well thanks to them, it has been harder now to get those resources needed for my child. Because of those actions they took, it is impossible now to get a lot of things to prevent us from losing what little we still have to hold onto. I do feel betrayed. How else would you feel after having the rug pulled out from under you? My husband says my victory will be soon when I get another job and can move on. I wish that day would hurry.